the year of wishful thinking

December 6, 2010

tonight.

I am the only one awake.  Got in late after an evening out with friends–don’t find myself in too many pubs these days but when I do, I take. it. in. Shared bottles of wine, homemade cupcakes by the lovely Jo, a little Paul Westerberg playing in the background which will always make me think of Erin whenever I hear it, no matter how long it’s been.

Tony said, “You are running toward something; not running away, and that’s the difference.” And I hope he’s right; sometimes I feel like that’s right. The problem with decisions though is that when you’ve got to make them, you never quite know exactly how you feel, because you can feel contradictory and conflicted and want exactly opposite things at the same time. You can know going one way is a good choice, but also know that going the other way would be equally plausible. You can talk yourself into believing that you are making the best decision for yourself at this time, because the decision must be made after all. But the truth is that there is no *best* decision here. There is just a choice. And it has to be made because NOT making one is getting you nowhere. You just hope the choice doesn’t find you living a life years from now that has you wishing it differently.

Sante.

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