pssst….

December 9, 2010

Wanna know one thing i’m really looking forward to about living somewhere else?

I imagine that I won’t feel like such an anomaly for having three children elsewhere. When I tell people here that I’ve got three kids, I tend to get a whole lot of sympathy: “That must be so [hard/taxing/exhausting/time consuming/difficult/unmanageable]!” and “Wow, you have your hands full!” and “I don’t know how you do it!” New York City is somewhat adverse to bigger families, and by big I mean more than two children. And rightfully so, it’s a really crowded place. And unless you are onto big bucks, the living quarters are tight. Take us–right now Andy and I sleep on the pull-out couch in our living room. Every night! It’s like being in college again except there’s no sleeping in.

Anyway, it’s awful to admit but I, myself, tend to elicit and respond to remarks about my large brood in kind:  “I have THREE kids,” I’ll say and quickly addend it with, “It’s crazy!” or “We are DONE having kids!” as though I’m apologetic about it or worse, embarrassed.

And I don’t know why I’m compelled to do it, because the truth is that–while, yes, it’s tough and yes, I’m so incredibly busy with these children–this is the most precious time of my life.

I am bleary-eyed and haggard, but I get up multiple times in the middle of the night to nurse my baby back to sleep and it’s nothing but peace, pure and simple. And when my boys are jumping off the couch and chasing each other around and laughing…when they are laughing, I would rattle the chandeliers off the ceiling of our super grumpy neighbors below every single night to hear the sound of it.  Every single night.

Maybe it’s not New York as much as it is me.  Okay, it’s a little bit New York. But it’s me too. I don’t want to be anyone’s cliche and maybe I’ve been more concerned about that than about what it means to be a mother to these three perfect people. I’m using this move to start a clean slate when it comes to talking about my children–no more qualifications, no more jokes about how many of them there are. Just joy for each day with them, and profound gratitude that they are mine.

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2 Responses to “pssst….”

  1. Mom T, says:

    WHAT! WHAT! MY BOY’S CURLS????? NO PICTURE!!!!! I CAN’T STAND IT I TELL YOU!

    I bet he looks just as cute as he always does! Bout you dss….knew you’d come to your senses. Baby steps for a while, Sarah. Wish I were there to help with all the packing. With as much as I think and worry about you all, I practically feel like I’m there. I love you guys!

  2. Adela says:

    Good for you, Sarah! You’ve made me think of my pathetic remarks to you and other women with more than 1 child (let alone 2). Instead of thinking that that’s just me–the idea of having children is not part of *my* daydreams at the moment–I think, how does she do it?! I promise never to do it again. And the fact is I get so much joy out of seeing your photos of your children and husband that I really shouldn’t even let myself go into the default surprise/gasp. My mom did it, so did my grandmother, and so are my bro and my sister-in-law, and the report from all sides is “I would do it all over again a million times.” I hope that you leave NYC’s perspective behind. It’s a wonderful city but it is also disorienting at times. LUVU.

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